Tomorrow my baby boy turns 13 years old. I will officially have 2 teenagers, and I don’t have time to even let that sink in (I’m sure my time is coming). After working 21 hours between the first two days of the week already, I came home today, too tired to even chew my dinner (no exaggeration).
So I retreated to my couch. I then remembered that I have had a headache for 2 days now (maybe 3), and my toddler starts school tomorrow. Maybe it’s the other way around, but I can promise it makes no difference here. My sweet darling baby boy, who I wish was NOT turning another year older tomorrow, decided it was the perfect time to tell me (ever so nicely and with all that little boy innocence) that he wanted to bring rice krispies treats to school tomorrow. Rice krispie treat? Rice krispy treat? Whatever. Of course homemade ones are better, and in my tired hurting mama brain, I instantly knew that it would ALSO be cheaper! I also suck at math and comparison (between the value of saving a penny and the value of saving a brain cell).
Off to the store I go! My ten year old daughter blessed me with her company – no for real, I hate going anywhere alone – and honestly I needed her for her memory. We got everything we needed, plus shoes on clearance for her little sister, and got outta there peacefully. When we got to the car, I sat there checking my notifications and texts. I’m in like a bazillion groups between all the 4 schools my kids go to and all the I’m-too-tired-to-count-how-many extracurricular activities they are in, and I honestly was trying to just stay on top of my week.
Apparently, my daughter was talking to me and I didn’t even notice … “Mom, hello? Did you hear me?”
I said the most honest thing I think I’ve said to my kids ever: “I’m sorry, baby, no I really wasn’t listening to you. But please don’t take it personally. I’m just trying to remember everything I need to remember.” I didn’t even stop there. I went into honesty overload:
I have worked 21 hours in the last 2 days, my head is pounding, and I am exhausted. I was too tired to physically chew my dinner, and your brother wants Rice Krispy treats for his bday tomorrow. So I have to go home and make those, meanwhile I am trying to remember everything Krimsen may need to bring to school tomorrow, I still have to get your brother a birthday present, we have the birthday family dinner tomorrow night. And being a mom, I try to remember everything each one of you has going on for school and any activity you may be in. I just want to make sure I’m on top of it all at least for this week, and that I am not forgetting something really important. Take Saturday for example… you have your football tournament, then Landen has his football scrimmage followed by a family picnic, where everyone brings stuff. Apparently everyone is ‘donating’ something and they feed everyone there and it’s a big thing where all the families hang out. Later that afternoon, Popi/Dad has a memorial service to go to, we have church at 6pm that night, and your other brother is having a couple of friends sleep over … I think.
Honesty.Overload. The look on her face said it all. Complete guilt and pity all over her face. So I tried to redeem myself, and I’m still not sure I was successful. I reassured her not to take it personally. This is my brain 24/7, because I’m a mom and I love being a mom.
By this time, we were on our street and almost home, and she was distracted looking for something outside the window. When we got home, I went to the bathroom and cried, because … also add the fact that I have a very real possibility of having to break some really bad news to a good friend this week.
Adulting sucks. I quit. But I can’t. So … at least there’s wine, right? Oh wait, I forgot to have some of that while making four batches of those marshmallow treats. Crap.
I retreat. I retreat to my bed for the night. Tomorrow I reload and do it all over. But hopefully better. After all, tomorrow we celebrate the day I gave birth to the sweetest human being you’ll ever meet … one of my greatest accomplishments.
One of the reasons I reload every day and fight every battle that comes our way.
Bon Temps Body & Soul 