Fighter Down

I’m tired. I don’t have any more fight in me. I’ve been a fighter since birth, but at some point, everyone wears down for good, right?

Nothing I verbally speak ever matters. It’s misheard, thrown back at me, taken out of context or just completely dismissed. Ignored. Not good enough. Ever.

This world has followed me my whole life letting me know how below par I am and always will be.

Unfortunately, for them, I don’t know what it means to quit. I hit a wall, I may pause, I may break. But I always rise.

God created me for a reason, for some kind of purpose in His plan. I’m starting to learn that it doesn’t really matter if we ever know what exactly that is, just as long as we’re doing our best to obey Him. So here I am.

I’m no JK Rowlings, Jen Hatmaker, Brene Brown or Danielle Steele, but I’m sure they all started somewhere much smaller than where they are.

Here’s the thing about writing, though … it actually has nothing to do with becoming famous or gaining approval from anyone. It’s a yearning, a screaming, from the soul that can’t be muffled. It can only be released.

So here I am.

A little over a month ago, I read an article in the Time magazine, titled “9 Ways to Find Joy” and I took notes (I don’t normally take notes when reading for enjoyment). I felt a stirring in me, and before I knew it, I was emailing my pastor about it. I completely stepped out of my comfort zone in that email, obviously speaking through God, or at least out of obedience to Him. And that was that. I volunteered an assignment for myself. I was petrified and excited.

That is when the devil stepped in. I’ve always viewed myself as a generally positive and happy person. I don’t like negativity or tension or anyone to be unhappy. Therefore, I am always looking at the glass half full, pointing out the silver lining, or at least trying to find a away to create one. The world works against this type of thinking 24/7, and God has been much removed from our society as a whole. So OF COURSE his worst enemy would arrive!

Well, hello, Satan. We meet again … and again … and again. I’m flattered you think of me so much. Pull up a chair. I’ve got some words for you:

I am a child of God; nothing on this earth can destroy my spirit. Therefore, nothing earthly can kill me, no matter what means you try to do so. Whatever my Father possesses, I claim as mine as well. I will receive ALL the gifts that He has for me, and He did NOT give me the spirit of fear. I am loved, I am valued, I am enough. I will move forward and rule MY life with the crown that God has bestowed upon me. I will hold my head up high with confidence, and I will carry out what God has called me to do. Nothing will stand in my way, not even you, Satan. Stand down. All thanks be to MY God in all of His Glory.

That is my statement of intention. I have been a fighter since the day those doctors brought me into this world and told my parents I had less than a 5% chance of surviving. God stepped in. They told my parents I would never develop normally. God intervened. I wasn’t supposed to survive, but I flourished. God has a fighter down right now, but that’s what happens right before greatness is born.

Prepare to be moved, joyfully of course.